Larger Than Large.

Today, I went for a bone density scan due to breaking both arms and recently my ankle, prior to me my dad had his and when I walked in he knew that the guy would have to take my weight and height so he kind of stuck around and instantly I told my dad to leave, as some things in life can be kept personal. He kind of stuck around a few minutes and then the guy saw I was getting frustrated and told him to leave a few moments earlier.. I was looking down to see the weight as he was telling me that most females look away and don't want to know, one got on backwards to make sure she didn't find out.. but I was curious and so I saw it.. I think ever since I've kind of just died inside slowly.

I can't believe how much weight I've put on, I've let myself slip so much and it's so very unacceptable in my books, it makes me really sad to know how big I am now and that I need to change it but I feel like I'm stuck in a little bubble of my own and I'm not sure how exactly. It pisses me off every time I think about it because I was so close to starting, organising a new change and on the first day I broke my ankle, 6 weeks of barely any movement, little eating but I slipped even more.

The test was done almost 5 hours ago now and until I could sit and put my thoughts down I was slowly going insane, getting angrier and sadder. It's all my fault and I take all responsibility for it but I need to start changing things now before I get as big as my dad and my life is over. There's no point suffering through life. I just hope now, seeing that I can snap out of my funk and finally move on, getting myself smaller and much happier.